OK, today I am forcing it. Writing that is. I seem disinterested in myself. I wonder how that works. Usually I have some sense of presence, or sense of being. That is why I trim my goatee isn’t it? It is why I chose to dress the way I do? Engagement perhaps. But that is not what I was thinking before I wrote this.
I don’t wear a watch any more. I am still quite interested in the time. But you see, as walking even five or ten feet seems to start up this never ending cough, I must conserve myself and keep the little stuff on my person, such as the time (iPhone), medicine reminders (iPhone), phone (iPhone), and calendar (iPhone). The oximeter is a good idea too. My hearing aids – I hate having to go back to the office for those when I need them. Saline solution for my drying out nose from the cannula. I haven’t even talked about the cannula and the fifty foot tubing yet have I? Later. Oh, and a handkerchief. You should have one on you also. Especially if you wear glasses or your significant other does. A life saver. No, don’t blow your nose in it. That’s disgusting.
And now, confessions of an Amazon crawler. Here is the deal. I don’t know about you, but around here, any time some new venture begins, I need some new device. A thingy. Something that is thought of as a tool of sorts, but is really only a distraction. Sometimes yes, it is a useful and even a needed thingy. Take the spirometer or instance. Um, I think that was it. Soon it will be a flexible shower head and, embarrassingly enough, a shower stool or, in my case, a bench – much classier. So far none of this stuff is a good example of what I was really talking about. It is another subject now that I think of it. Something like, here is a list of the changes in my environment I must make that daily remind me of my situation. Sounds better. But what I really mean is, well, a rocking chair has been discussed of late. Good for the legs to keep them moving. That is great! A new piece of furniture, all shiny and smelling new and for certain enhancing my life style and, maybe, even my life. Oh, a laptop case since I am carrying it around the apartment all the time and it must enhance the integrity of the little machine. I mean, I can’t carry the laptop, lap top around. I need a friggin’ leather shell friggin’ protect it. That too about three hours total of get right. The end.
Cannula. It means thin reed. It is used to drain off disgusting liquids from the human body. But not in my case. It is that plastic tube with the little tubes attached that go in your nose to supply oxygen. Now, probably the only times you have seen this is in the scene of a movie where the main cop’s buddy is in the hospital and clearly is not going to make it.
Or perhaps in an interview with some old guy suffering from air pollution in some documentary. About air pollution. Or in real life it is the old guy in the grocery store in the electric go cart whom you don’t want to look at and worse yet, you don’t want him to see you looking at him. That’s me now. But you can look. It’s OK. Maybe.
There are two types of oxygen feed I have experienced so far. The first, and the one that seemed to say to me that things weren’t quite as bad as they might be, is the pulse regulated portable tank. Being pulse means it pumps air when you inhale. Good idea. Long range. The other is continuous. From a tank, short range. A couple of hours? Yea, if is coming from a tank you can actually carry. Continuous means, for me anyway, 24/7. That is as bad as it gets. In the house you drag a fifty foot tube behind you everywhere you go. You sleep with it. There is an obnoxious O2 condensing machine (I’me actually grateful it is there and works) that makes noise all the time. That is my current condition. I’ll fill you in on the portable condensers when I get more information.
Here is the most remarkable thing: I adjusted immediately! WTF? No complaining. No barking at S. No blaming anything, including myself. At any rate, I’m OK with it at present. I do fear that something really weird is going on like, for instance, I wanted out of my obligations and this fucked up world, or country anyway, I’m not going to pursue this right now as I am not sure what I am talking about. But think about it. How’d you like to just turn the machine off and sit and think a spell? And I don’t mean a vacation. That’s temporary. I mean turning the whole thing off. As my nephew would say: yea….Yeah!