Last night, with my eyes closed and I think asleep, I see my dead body. Stiff as a board, as it were. No movement. Nothing there. I was not cool about this one bit. I also saw S crying hysterically and shaking my body once or twice – nothing excessive. Nope. Dead as a door nail.
I was saddened. I think a bit afraid too. But mostly saddened by her loss. It was as if I could feel what she felt. I guess I was sorry to go too. Of course, being gone already makes this an untenable situation, unless, well, never mind.
I’m still chicken to share this stuff but am also thinking it might make for a good read. Who talks about death? I now see why Timothy Leary had his death recorded on video. Or so it has been said.
I cannot find the videotape online. I’m way too tired to spend a lot of time on that. Two weeks ago I would have been relentless. The fact is that a lot of stuff I get side tracked with trying to verify or get a better explanation of, clicking open window after window, isn’t really worth it. More fetish than function.
Where was I. Dead I believe. Or dreaming such. I’m taking a break now.
A bit later on:
Kind of revived right now. I think visit from LVN helped. Stimulation. Focus on something other than a blank wall and the online Guardian for the fourth time. And there is Facebook. Paid some bills. That was engaging. Really. Can’t mop, can’t vacuum, can’t do dishes, can’t cook on gas stove, can’t take out garbage – well, now that I think about it, maybe with a portable tank. But still cough after any exercise.
Hey, that new case/cover for the laptop is great – if it holds together. So three hours of online shopping and comparing was worth it after all. Dang! Anything else I need?